Behold, the Man!
Reflections on Dissension & Reconciliation, Apropos of My Dear Friend Royce White's Situation with Jason Whitlock
BEHOLD, THE MAN!
23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. (Mt 5: 23-24)
This is not an article pleading for everyone to get along. This is an article addressing how difficult it truly is to reconcile with someone you are at odds with.
25 Make friends quickly with your accuser, while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison; 26 truly, I say to you, you will never get out till you have paid the last penny. (Mt 5: 25-26)
And…
40 and if any one would sue you and take your coat, let him have your cloak as well; 41 and if any one forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. (Mt 5: 40-41)
Many people don’t know this—and students always ask questions around this topic… If a married couple separates for a legitimate reason (an abusive spouse, a drug addicted spouse, spousal neglect), the Code of Canon Law requires those two, under the guidance of their parish priest, to be reconciled to one another within a matter of years. You are free to seek safety for yourself and your family from a dangerous spouse—but that does not permit you to bring your marriage to a formal end; and it certainly does not permit you to remarry someone else. Your spouse is your spouse, till death do you part, no exceptions. If you find yourself in a situation with a spouse that has become destructive to your marriage and your family, the exhortation of our Lord, himself, and charity demands that, after a time apart, assuming the repentance of the guilty party, you are to forgive one another and be reconciled to each other.
How many people actually prepare themselves for this in our modern world?
How many people go through the thought experiment of considering a grave betrayal and injury by someone in their life and bring that reflection to a close with the understanding that they are commanded by Our Lord, under the penalty of sin, to offer themselves in humble submission to the reconciliation of that friendship/marriage/relationship, no matter what?
How many people consider their wife cheating on them and close out that reflection with the understanding that, granted you separate from them and they repent of their wrong, you are to be reconciled to them from the heart? How many wives consider that about their husbands?
How many people consider a friend lying on them and having them falsely accused of a serious offense, only to close out that reflection by understanding that even so they are to reconcile themselves to them from their heart?
How many people consider being robbed, or beaten, or betrayed by another and finish that reflection with the understanding that even they should be forgiven from their heart?
And if you do all of that, how many people can avoid feeling such a deep disgust, revulsion, dismissal, and antipathy toward all of that so as to be convinced that, but for the full incursion of the grace of God in that moment, they would have no ability to do that whatsoever?
You would be a cuck, a punk, a patsy, a fool, a stooge, a tool, a lackey—all the most shameful characterizations of a person there are—if you were to do that. You would be the most contemptible of all people if you were to be reconciled to your adversary under such circumstances… And who can take that on and bear it?
The five sorrowful mysteries of the Holy Rosary—the passion of Christ—are/is the most profound treatise on suffering there has ever been. Our Lord suffered all the agony beforehand that the worst, inescapable, anticipated terror brings with it. He endured the outright assault of being scourged at the pillar. He then took on the worst of humiliation, being crowned with a crown of thorns and presented before crowds of people as a disgrace and a scoundrel. Worst still, he was required to carry the cross that he would be wrongfully crucified upon. This torture was not just to teach a lesson, however, as if to prove the man and then let him return to his life thereafter. No, even after all of that it ended in the worst injustice of all: the execution of the man upon the cross. In no way could the Lord have been persecuted any worse.
Internal persecution.
External assault.
Humiliation.
Forced participation.
Execution (death).
Abuse of the soul.
Abuse of the body.
Abuse of the ego.
Abuse of the dignity.
Abuse unto death.
And I’m here worried about being made a cuckold or a fool by my peers.
Oh Lord, we are not worthy of the mercy and glory you have covered us in. Oh Lord, we are not worthy to enter under your roof…
I write this all because my good friend, Royce White, is going through a public fracture in his relationship with Jason Whitlock. They do not need to reconcile it—and chances are they won’t. That’s fine. But the command of Christ is clear—and all men are bound by it.
Christ’s commands never come with a disclaimer: if it hurts [fill in the blank, superlatively] bad, then you don’t have to do it… If it’s too hard not to sin anymore, then you can go and sin some more… If it would betray your deepest personal convictions, then you don’t have to do it…
They don’t ever have to do a public show together again—that’s not the obligations of charity and reconciliation. But reconciliation from the heart is an indisputable command of Christ.
22 But I say to you that every one who is angry with his brother shall be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother shall be liable to the council, and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be liable to the hell of fire. (Mt 5: 22)
With even one sin against charity in your heart, unreconciled, you cannot grow in the life of faith, and you will not inherit eternal life at death, no matter what false prophet, or flattering friend, tries to tell you otherwise. +
9 “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.” (Mt 5: 9)
These are hard truths and get at the heart of Catholicism - radical forgiveness. But if God puts a cross on someone's shoulders, He'll give them the grace to carry it.
In a similar vein, there's a touching story found in this homily starting at 22:04 that illustrates this very point. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did:
https://www.veritascaritas.com/podcast/marriage-part-1-what-is-marriage/