THE AGE OF NARCISSISM
We live in an age of rampant and pervasive narcissism. It has infected and seeped into every corner of our society. It has become a common psychological condition of the modern person. It causes relationship dysfunction, it fuels runaway consumerism; drug+alcohol addiction; sex+porn addiction; abuse; cruelty; unscrupulous lying and manipulation; social aggression (ie. bullying, gossip);…, and the list goes on. It is the most foundational psychological problem of our time, and it’s everywhere.
Narcissism is a disorder of the Self. The Self in a person is a collated set of premises and attitudes a person holds about themselves such that they are inclined to think, act, and react in certain predictable ways. Narcissism is a grandiose Self a person adopts to protect their psyche against the potential trauma of our limitations and negative emotions.
No one is born with narcissistic personality disorder. It’s not a congenital disorder passed down from one generation to the next. It’s not a terminal condition that a person can’t overcome. It’s not a “cross to bear” for those who have it. It is adopted of one’s own choosing (though they are often unaware that what they are choosing is the foundations of a highly destructive narcissistic personality disorder), and then retained of their own choosing thereafter. They come to covet the pleasure associated with their own grandiose ideal of themselves.
Narcissism is treatable. You can heal from narcissistic personality disorder. However, it is the most treatment resistant disorder there is due to its roots in self-deceit, unscrupulosity, manipulation, and addiction. The narcissist is so dysfunctional that they compulsively manipulate, abuse, and then abandon the therapeutic process more often than any other psychological condition. Still, that doesn’t mean it can’t be uprooted and overcame. Like any addiction, habit of abuse, or habit of social aggression—all of which are incredibly treatment resistant, not “like” narcissism, but because of their root in narcissism—, uprooting it must start with the individual desiring to go to war with themselves to get rid of their own corruption existing within them.
Narcissism: A Two-Part Story
There are two sides to the condition of Narcissism—on a technical level. Both have to do with our relation to the limitations of our human condition and the negative emotions we experience throughout life (eg. sorrow, anger, disgust, guilt, despair, humiliation, fear, nervousness). One side is the formation of a grandiose self-concept in response to these limitations and negative emotions; the other side is the repression of those limitations and negative emotions.
Narcissism functions as a persona (conception of Self) meant to protect our psyche from the trauma of our limitations and negative emotions. This grandiose Self acts as a guarantor against one’s traumas, offering a superior and invulnerable “Self” as protector and avenger of all our wounds. The narcissist now sees themselves as invulnerable, like that of the Marvel/D.C. superhero.
The Marvel/D.C. Superhero Self
We’ve all seen the modern superhero movie. The superhero typically has a double-identity. They have one identity of humble cast, a commoner version of themselves, where they work a job or go to school with their peers; and then they have a separate identity of them as a superhero, concealed, superpowered, morally righteous, a bearer of justice, and invulnerable. Peter Parker as Spiderman; Clark Kent as Superman; Bruce Wayne as Batman—the list goes on. Their commoner version of their Self (Parker; Kent; Wayne), at some point in the movie, is picked on, bullied, or abused in one form or another by some random person. They’re humiliated; they’re disrespected. We as onlookers see it and are angered, but at the same time we have a private consolation… Deep down we have the comfort of knowing we have nothing to actually worry about for our superhero victim, because, well, they have the superhero Self that the bully/abuser is unaware of, that at any moment could avenge them if they really wanted to call upon it. At any moment, if they chose to, they could totally overcome their adversary, and their adversary would be utterly dominated. (At some point later in the movie they usually do avenge themselves against this despicable bully).
The Narcissistic persona functions just like this Marvel/D.C. superhero in the narcissist’s psyche. It is the concealed Self, full of fantasized power and righteousness and justice, ready and able to avenge the wounded common Self whenever it wanted to if it just chose to. Unfortunately for the narcissist, they don’t have actual superpowers like the make-believe superhero does, and so there is no actual vengeance, there is only the repression of their own limitations and negative emotions. This is what leads to serious disorder in the individual that has adopted a protective, narcissistic Self-persona.
The Grounded, Real Self
The Self that our psyche produces is integral to our psychological health. The goal is to establish a conception of Self that is grounded and resonant with reality—the reality of our limitations and negative emotions. No one comes into life with a perfectly formed, grounded self. We have to work to form it. This is the practical wisdom of the theological idea of “the fall,” or fallen man. We do not grow effortlessly and automatically toward goodness. Due to original sin, we have lost the grace of our original human nature, one with a threefold harmony: harmony between God & our soul; harmony between our soul and our body; harmony between our body and the goods of the world (source: Thomistic Scholar Fr. Garrigou-LaGrange)—and the consequence is a threefold disordered desire: lust of the flesh; lust of the eyes; pride of life. We don’t incline toward ourselves or the world in a healthy, grounded manner—everything is out of whack. And so we have to work to form a grounded Self in our life, with the aid of grace through Jesus Christ.
In the Narcissist, their real- or “grounded”- Self is unformed, and their ideal- grandiose- Self becomes their base Self. They become detached from the reality of their negative emotions, repressing them in the process of conceiving their grandiose Self, and a substitution occurs where they go forward through life referring to their grandiose, ideal Self as their base Self. At this switch an experience of estrangement occurs. We feel estranged from ourselves, from life, and from God. This is a typical experience for a human person post-fall. Narcissism is the full-fledged rejection of the real- grounded- Self in favor of the ideal- grandiose- Self, making use of a modern term for the old concept of the vice of pride.
The Narcissism-Pride Equivalency
In the Catholic intellectual context, pride is understood as a vice—a habit or disposition that a person possesses. A disposition is an arrangement of premises that inclines us in a predictable way. This is precisely what Narcissism is. This is the right understanding of Narcissism. Narcissism is the recognizable term in today’s language of the perennial problem of the habit of pride. This Narcissism is not a new problem, though our modern culture is certainly enflaming both the onset of the problem and the depth with which the problem penetrates. In pride a person builds their own grandiose Self, ejects their real and grounded Self from themselves, and puts their self-created Self in place of their God-created Self. They are subsequently estranged from themselves and from God. They persist in their error because they idolize their own creation; they covet the grandiosity of their shining, seemingly “perfect”, self-made Self.
In our modern world we’ve lost the sense of pride as a habit or “disposition”. We don’t often readily understand the equivalence between Narcissism and pride, but it is there. We take pride as a one-off reaction, or the regularly prideful individual as “arrogant” (a sort of stable and unchangeable character flaw), but we don’t think of Pride as a disposition of Self, which it is. In reality, neither Pride nor its equivalent, Narcissism, is fixed or unchangeable: it can be changed and recovered from.
While there is progress that one can make in a natural, reason-directed way, ultimately the tendency toward pride/narcissism is so entrenched in our post-fallen nature that we are in deep need of the aid of grace to really restore ourselves to ourselves. Modern Narcissism theory is a useful lens through which we can understand the role of Self/persona creation in the psyche and better appropriate ways to uproot Narcissism (and consequently, Pride) in ourselves and our lives.
Revaluation of Values
With Narcissism-Pride, you adopt a new set of values and norms: self-aggrandizement, hatred of humiliation; craving of domineerance, vengeance, irreverence; a desire for self-adulation, idealization-devaluation—all of which offer short lived experiences of grandiose pleasure and weaken your ability to endure and process your negative emotions or come to terms with your limitations. The uprooting of the Narcissistic Self then takes a revaluation of values back toward humility, self-denial, patience, long-suffering, clemency, beneficence (goodwill), reverence, kindness, forgiveness. It takes coming into contact with your limitations and negative emotions and seeking to moderate them and integrate them into your conception of Self—not obliterate them and pseudo-transcend them (which you can’t do). These limitations inform us of who and what we are, and what we are called toward. These limitations guide us, not hinder us. They’re not there to punish us, but to build us up, to make us more human—more graceful, more considerate, more self-giving, more communal, more connected. It takes the rejection of the Narcissistic Self for the grounded, real Self to take root as the primary Self in a person. From there all the concomitant appendages and entanglements of Narcissism can fall away as well (addiction, abuse, compulsive manipulation, etc.).
The Way of Charity
Our modern culture is inundated with revenge-porn- Narcissistic- fantasies in our movies and art—from superhero movies and literature, to drama and historical fiction where there’s some unambiguous bad guy propped us as the thwarter of human history. The quasi-art form of our modern media does this as well! We have to reject this Narcissistic duality in all its iterations and come to terms with the reality—and grace therein!—of actual life.
It will take some time on a broader, cultural level, for people to equate the healing from Narcissism with fellowship and communion with the Incarnate God that transformed, and sanctified, our relationship to suffering and pierced the veil of sin, pride, and death. Our wounds create traumas, and out of weakness we compromise with the evils of Narcissism in a false attempt to stave off the subsequent suffering that follows in their wake. We run in fear of the reality of suffering, rather than leaning-in toward it that we might be made more perfect—more filled with grace—through it. The result is that we spiral evermore into Narcissism.
Our modern world doesn’t see any of this in this way. They don’t draw the thread between Narcissism and sin and suffering. They don’t see the Cross of Christ as an elevation of suffering, or a revelation of the intrinsic relationship between sin and suffering. They don’t see grace and sanctification as the answer to suffering… In our modern world, people are more inclined toward a Buddhist worldview that sees life as suffering, and the transcendence of suffering through nirvana (or self-work) as the only real and legitimate goal for people. They therefore see suffering as unrelated to sin, and they reject the sanctifying capacity of suffering to reveal truth and goodness itself. These are radically different worldviews, and they are mutually exclusive. And this confusion ties back to the problem of Narcissism.
Narcissism is not a terminal condition, and neither are the connected addictions and habits that come with it. They can be overcome. But it must start with a rejection of the Narcissistic ideal and all its false promises, a turn back toward God and the grounded reality of our limitations, and a good-willed embrace of the suffering that comes with our negative emotions. Divine charity can and will overcome all of these things—a divine charity that penetrates to the core of one’s being+consciousness and transforms how they understand themselves and the world around them… Divine charity is patient and kind, it does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or resentful; it is humble and long-suffering; it bears all things, hopes all things, believes all things, and endures all things (1 Cor 13: 4-7). It is joyful, peaceful, and faithful (Gal 5:22). It is the reason for our hope (re: 1 Pet 3:15) and the reward of faith in Christ. It is medicine for the soul and the solace of all things. It is the answer today, as it was yesterday, and as it will be tomorrow.
May the peace of Christ fill you and illumine your hearts always. May you expel any narcissism from your soul and live in the light of grace and truth. May you be strengthened by divine charity and filled with the consolations of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Deus Vult! +
The Age of Narcissism
So, I loved how you broke down how narcissistic people view themselves and why they choose this trait to protect themselves which I often read when looking up narcissism. It made me more forgiving towards them. I’ve lived and still love some narcs in my life. The fact that you believe it can be cured makes me relieved. I have high hopes for these types of people as well. Being that I’ve always been on the receiving end of their darker sides, I could only view them as monsters. I worked on myself mentally due to how scary they are to me. I would NEVER want to be this way towards anyone in my life. But then you talked about arrogance. We all use arrogance or pride to protect ourselves which is something I can relate to. So I see why forgiveness is so important. I wrote a thread about friendships where I learned to eliminate my ego. That process helped me kick the formation of narcissism within my self which is something I am very proud of. It’s a challenge everyday to fight off people who hurt us, but it’s even worse when you have to fight yourself to not become them.
This part you wrote stuck out to me the most :
“ They therefore see suffering as unrelated to sin, and they reject the sanctifying capacity of suffering to reveal truth and goodness itself”
Correct me if I don’t have the proper understanding about this…..
That part had me locked in because that’s exactly how I found my truth. I realized that my behavior came back to me in different forms multiplied at a capacity higher than what I’ve done. KARMA!… Karma may have awakened my fear of god and helped me with better decision making. Some people don’t connect these dots. Some never do, some at a later time. What makes a person able to connect dots? What makes someone link suffering to their own actions and behaviors? Some of us maybe take longer to realize this, but ultimately, I believe god truly has the upper hand on when and where the awakening takes place. He did it for me, he can do it for anyone right? The real challenge is having patience. They are but HUMAN BEINGS. We all make these mistakes. What ever the case, all we can do is pray! Thank you for writing this! I can’t wait to read your other threads!!!